Posts Tagged 'humor'

cat boat

is this where lasers come from?

could this be footage of a rare Laser sailboat mating ritual?

sunfish hull autopsy

this is a guest post from Alan Glos (aglos@colgate.edu) – an excellent resource for various Sunfish parts & supplies. he posted the same story & pictures at the Sunfish Forum.  I am re-posting it here with his permission.

________________________________________________

Warning! The following post contains text and images that may be disturbing to some Sunfish aficionados. Viewer discretion is advised.

Autopsy results. A deceased, Sunfish sailboat, hull number AMF32630M751 (hereafter referred to as M751) was examined on 8/13/13 to determine cause of death. The owner stated that he and his wife had purchased the boat second hand and sailed it once in a 20 mph northwest wind on a lake in Upstate NY, and minutes into the ill fated voyage, a distinct cracking noise was heard and the mast sagged forward. They limped back to shore, sold the hull to a local boatwright (of questionable repute) and eventually transferred the rig to a new hull.

Gross examination revealed a 38-year-old hull, white with blue coaming and red, white and blue deck stripes. Other than the aformentioned mast hole failure and cracked deck, M751 was in otherwise good health and seaworthy.

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Incisions were made in the deck at several points using a Makita 4” angle grinder with a 3/16” cut-off blade.

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Internal organs were removed and examined and determined to be in overall good, seaworthy condition. The following organs were harvested:

  • One full set of hull and cockpit aluminum trim
  • One coaming (blue)
  • One plastic cockpit bailer assembly (a transplanted organ for the original DePersia aluminum bailer)
  • One mainsheet swivel cleat
  • One mainsheet, 3 loop bridle with deck eyes
  • One stainless steel external gudgeon bracket with matching internal back-up plate and stainless mounting screws
  • One brass deck drain assembly
  • One bow handle (slightly pitted)

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With the permission of the owner, these organs will be placed in the local organ bank to be made available (at a price) for transplant.

Cause of Death: Examination of the external mast hole and the internal mast step revealed catastrophic failure at the base of the mast step and the keel possibly due to birth defect aggravated by high wind conditions at the time of M751’s untimely demise.

L1030001

Close examination of the area between the mast tube base and the keel revealed inadequate fiberglass and resin resulting in fore and aft movement of the mast tube assembly.

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Had the hull been newer and in better overall health, surgery involving a total mast step reconstruction could have added years to M751’s life, but it was deemed to be economically infeasible. Life support was suspended and a full part-out procedure was elected.

The remains minus the harvested organs were interred in the Madison County Landfill in the Town of Lincoln.

 

sunfish tacking technique

there is a thread now on the Sunfish Forum about the proper method to tack in a Sunfish.  novice and pro alike have offered their opinion, based on personal experience, from watching videos on Youtube, or by watching and learning from some of the Sunfish Worlds champions.

but no response has been nearly as good as this one, offered up by John Albrecht (or “Duckfat”) as “the only proper and true method” to tack a Sunfish:

Preparations:
1. Decide that for some reason that the direction you are currently sailing in is no good.
2. Brace your beer between your feet, amid the clutter of the mainsheet, beef jerky bags, and condom wrappers.
3. Look around to make sure there aren’t any waverunners bearing down on you. If there are, keep the pellet gun out of sight until they are within range.

Tacking:
1. Scream “LOOK OUT!” as a polite heads-up to your passenger(s).
2. Whip the tiller in one direction or another until the sail begins flopping wildly about.
3. Do not let the boom hit you in the head.
4. It’s important enough to list twice. Do not let the boom hit you in the head. And keep an eye on the beer cooler while you’re at it.
5. When the sail is flopping around on the other side of the boat and your passenger is sufficiently terrified, slide your ass to the side that isn’t dragging in the water.
6. Shout “NOW WE’RE SAILING!!” while awkwardly trying to change tiller and mainsheet hands. Get them caught on and wrapped around each other in the process.
7. Scull the rudder back and forth in a valiant attempt to get out of irons. Assure your passenger that this is how the pros do it.
8. When the wind has once again filled the sail (on the opposite side, otherwise what you just did wasn’t actually a tack), step on the mainsheet while you reach down and take a swig of that beer. Tacking is thirsty work. (Note: Occasionally a gust of wind will give you a rope burn on the bottom of your foot. This is normal.)
9. Have your passenger hand you another beer, then ask her why she still has that bikini top on. Ain’t no other boats round here.

hilarious!

star trek – sailor talk

a little unnecessary censorship.

 


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